What do you want?
No, seriously, what EXACTLY do you want?
If you have trouble answering that question, you’re not alone. Most people have no idea what they want. Others know it, but they refuse to acknowledge it. Instead of owning their wants, they disown them.
Last month, while teaching my Money Mind Academy class, I went over the 3 big reasons why we disown our wants, needs, and desires. If you’re curious, here they are:
1. Parental Messages – “Life isn’t about what you need, want, or feel. It’s about what other people need, want, and feel. It’s not about you. Stop being selfish.” This often leads to extreme altruism where you make sure everyone else’s needs and wants are taken care of while neglecting your own.
2. Ignored Wants and Needs – When your needs and wants are consistently ignored, the pain becomes so unbearable that you learn to push them down.
3. The Clash – When your desires conflict with your self-concept, or your internal idea and image of who you are, what you’re capable of, and how much you deserve.
I asked my students if they identified with any of the above. The chat box nearly exploded.
The great psychologist and self-esteem expert, Nathaniel Branden, once wrote this:
“Honoring one’s true wants can be not an indulgence but an act of courage.”
Well said, Nate.
It takes courage to sit down and write your vision; to acknowledge and honor who you are and the desires that percolate within you.
It is an act of courage to choose your values and to commit to saying no to anything that doesn’t align with them. To take risks despite the cautious forewarnings of others. To be who you are and want what you want, without apology.
When you acknowledge your wants and create a vision for your life, you show up differently. You stop being the martyr. You stop making everyone else feel like they owe you something because all you do is give and never open yourself up to receive.
Life is about what you want, need, or feel. You get what you want and need by helping others get what they want and need. And the reciprocal giving and receiving makes both parties feel good. There’s nothing selfish about wanting. What’s selfish is when someone expects you to suppress your perfectly human desires merely to comply with their silly rules.
If life leaves you feeling drained and anxious, it’s probably because you’ve been holding an emotional beach ball full of disowned wants, needs, and desires underwater for most of your life. It’s time to let it go.
Where do you even begin, I’m sure you’re wondering. Well, pull out a pen and a single sheet of paper. Click a link below and let Peter Voogd help you make your first move by setting a clear vision for yourself, setting your short-term goals, choosing your values, and pursuing mastery.
This one is a real game-changer. DO NOT miss this!
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