Thirty-eight. No wife. No kids.
I can give you a seemingly endless list of excuses for why I’m still single…
“Because I’ve been busy building my business.”
“Because there are no good women left.”
“Because I have a very specific type.”
Blah. Blah. Blah.
I used to believe in this thing called “happily ever after” — this mythical idea of someday meeting The One, falling in love at first sight, and joyfully frolicking in open fields of tulips and daisies for the rest of our days.
Maybe I watched too many Meg Ryan flicks as a kid…
The truth is that in every one of my failed relationships, the common denominator was me. I didn’t have the tools to make a relationship work.
I had a need to always be right. I buried myself in my work. I refused to do the little things that make relationships last.
It took a while, but at some point I became conscious of my shortcomings and decided to do something about them.
As Neil Strauss writes in his book, The Truth: An Uncomfortable Book About Relationships, “Love is not about finding the right person. It’s about becoming the right person.”
At the age of 43, Arielle Ford, author of Turn Your Mate Into Your Soul Mate and today’s guest on The Sessions, woke up one morning, reached across the bed, and suddenly realized something.
She forgot to get married.
The CEO of her own public relations firm, Arielle had convinced herself that she didn’t have time for dating. That she was too busy “building her business” to be in a committed relationship.
Sound familiar?
But, like me, the truth was something different altogether…
Fortunately, Arielle soon (very, very soon!) found and married the man of her dreams. But once the hormonal high of the honeymoon phase faded into the reality of the inevitable miscommunications, conflicts, and irritations of sharing a life with another human being, she found herself lacking the tools to handle them.
What now?
Instead of giving up on her relationship, Arielle immersed herself in the study of relationships. She set out to become “the right person.” And she succeeded.
Last week, Arielle and I got together for quite an edu-taining discussion on how to live “Happily EVEN After” with your significant other … once reality sets in.
Click the PLAY button above to listen to Session #007 with Arielle Ford.
Don’t forget to leave a comment or review and let me know what you think!
I love a lot of what Arielle mentions about men and women. But a couple points of what she says about men are really valid about women, and that is at the root of a lot of my personal difficulties in dealing with men in relationships: 1. Also women value being respected and appreciated, not only men. I have been way too often “treated like a princess”, which actually means that a man plays the prince charming role and tries to decide and plan and do everything FOR me, without asking my opinion about what I really want. Many seem to think that all a woman wants is to be passively lead through life by a dominant male (which to me is the opposite of respect and appreciation). 2. women (at least a lot of them) also LOVE to be heroes. This is not only mostly unacknowledged, but also discouraged from women, and I have often found myself put down or laughed about when I wanted to do something heroic for my man. It’s so depressing to believe that only men need that type of sense of accomplishment. As much as I love men, I find myself to be more at ease having them as friends rather than boyfriends/partners. In most of my relationships, as soon as the friendship moves to a romantic place, men seem to forget that what they indeed liked about me is my strength, my independence and my heroism, and start treating me like a fragile little flower. In the worst case scenarios, I have seen men trying very hard to make me more fragile so they could become my hero. And that is scaringly damaging.
This was AMAZING….
I absolutely love the new format.
This is some of the best relationship information I have EVER heard – thanks so much Sean – you may save a few marriages with this one!!!
Haha! I hope so! Thanks for listening!
Sean, I admire the quality of your decisions to redirect your career. You are a good spirit and have an excellent and discerning heart. Read the book again, you should not deprive yourself or some lucky woman of good company.
This interview was such a strange mix of wonderful advice and unfortunate gender stereotypes. I especially loved the concepts of “no constructive criticism”, wabi sabi love, and not needing to always be right. Some of the advice on how to talk to your husband I think was meant to teach speaking with kindness rather than criticism, but teetered on the edge of sounding manipulative instead. What really caught me most though was the way she compartmentalized the strong work version of herself as being in her “masculine brain” vs the “girlie” feminine side she expressed at home. The alpha female is not masculine, and it is unfortunate to still label strong women that way. These set definitions of masculine and feminine are very limiting to both men and women.
Love the new format. All the interviews have between great!
Yes! It seemed to me that since relationships were not her strong suit, she’s had to come up with all sorts of rules to make them work. I don’t think it’s really that difficult for everyone, but maybe this is useful for some people. I found the “taking out the garbage” talk insulting. I would be putting on an entirely false persona to talk that way, and that hardly seems like the way to go.
I found this exceptionally interesting but I’m with Em and dre that some things mentioned seemed really limiting about gender. Also, what about new studies that reveal there’s no such thing – not really – of a ‘feminine’ and ‘masculine’ brain etc. Like Em, I want to feel heroic too. But found the part about what hormones are at play when women and men need to recharge really informative. Good to know!
this was the first “new” podcast I listened to. While I thought most of the interview was insightful I was insulted by the comment “stupid southern” men about the toilet seat. I had ordered the box while listening and that comment made me cancel my order.
oh, I heard that as ‘..stubborn man’, right?
Sean, You are such a phenomenal interviewer! Truly gifted… Once again, such amazing nuggets in here… I ordered the book and can’t wait to dig in… With much gratitude, Judy
I have been married almost 28 years and my husband and I are still deeply in love. We do all the things advised in the podcast. I would only add to be forgiving and let go or forget the small annoying stuff.
This was wonderful! It made me smile and recall with humor some of my more humbling moments in my 36 year relationship with my husband. It is about growing and loving together. I am ordering the book to learn the 36 questions. You can never stop learning and growing. I really like your new format and support your new direction.
Enjoyed this podcast. Lots of illumination on relationships, and the differences between men & women.
I would just like to point out, that I do not enjoy any of the “girly” things that Arielle Ford talks about (manicure, hair appointments, etc) in order to recharge my oxytocin. I am much more likely to want alone time, preferably outside in nature, or to hang out with 1 friend. I am sure that I am the exception to the rule on this 🙂
I do encourage my DH to have guy time or go to his cave, as I realise he is much happier afterwards.